I just wanna let you know how I feel. These words were never meant to hurt you, and if it will, I am sorry. I hope by sharing how I feel can make us stronger.
Felt super guilty for what I had done.
Somehow you made me feel that I am like the worst man on earth. Maybe I really am.
I apologised. I am truly sorry. I didn't knew you felt offended until like one day later. I regret it. It kind of create a wall between us now, though I tried to ignore it, I still had a weird feeling in my heart. Even if you really forgave me just now, I still felt bad for forcing you stuffs you don't like.
Yesterday night, After reading your blog, I felt damn bad. Blame my raging hormones? Blame my act of implusiveness? Its all my fault.
I felt miserable and stuffy if I kept things to myself.
I asked my friend at 1.30AM.. why you never said you don't like it and stopped me immediately. why you never told me after you were home? its not like we never chat on msn. Why you never tell me the day of my interview and must wait till you post it on your blog? He told me its hard to reject during that type of situation. He told me its hard to say those type of stuff. I guess that was how u felt too...
But still, I can't figure out why you appear so indifferent on the day that I went for interview. (you told me you can't go to sleep the previous day like just now). but you still treated me as the same. I dun sense at all that you were uncomfortable. Why must hide feelings? I felt dumb.
Its like last time you were angry with me but yet you never say, and you told me 5 days was to train me for the china trip thingy. I believed you till you told me its just a lie.
You told me to go to your blog and even assured me its not something bad. I was worried at first and after your assurance, I was relief..but back at home, your blog post shocked me. Was that another lie to make me feel better?
Today after basketball, when I receive your message, even before you told me you were with jas, I already knew that she may join us for lunch. At that point of time, every step nearer to Atrium, makes me felt like dying. Sat on that chair hoping that I can be invisible, trying to play my PSP and chase away all the awkwardness, but it hanged on me. When I was away to Cheers, I phoned my friend for help or maybe just calm me down, but he was still sleeping and did not pick up. At that point of time, I felt helpless but I've got no choice but to go back to find you guys, trying to pretend that everthing is alright. Yeah, I asked you if you would feel awkward if you were in my position. Yes was your reply. I asked you if what you posted on your xanga would attracts attention from the rest. Yes was your reply. I just hope that sometimes you would spare a thought for me.
I didn't like the fact that you told her about this stuff, but I can't stop you from sharing your problems to your friends. I really never blame you, and in no position to blame you.
Maybe you were shy and felt awkward to phrase it out to me. I really don't know. I am scared of her cuz some how I feel that she had a great influence on you? Maybe you don't but I feel that you will compare your r/s with her r/s, you will compare me with her boyfriend.
If you still don't know, I hate to be judged. I also hate to be compared with others.
Dear, I am really sorry. I want you in my life, hope you will understand me and forgive me.
